"You're that guy who shown me what it's like to truly, completely and madly love someone and to know to crave someone's presence. Your'e that guy I consider as the love of my life, which is indeed very funny considering we never actually dated and you actually REFUSED TO LOVE ME. Yes, also you are that one guy who showed me I’ve a heart and that's not a blessing. How do you even want me to survive with this? "
She wrote this for herself.
This made her so numb that she didn’t know what is she to him and she, find herself wondering about it all the time and is scared as hell to want him, but here she is wanting him anyway.
She found herself drowning in her own thoughts, crying her lungs out , fighting back the demons running wild inside her mind and she couldn’t take it anymore and decided to push em all away.
She then found strength within this and also decided to look back on this and Smile because, it was then she decided to live the life this way , finding a purpose why she should continue to live her life in reality.